the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
