I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
