adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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