ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
