she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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