I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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