she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize