I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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