she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
