Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
