i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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