I cannot find my penis.
I looked at my own cervix.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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