I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
