you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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