Don't you send me to vm
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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