I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
