at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
