I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
