....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
