I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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