it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
