what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
