THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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