remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
