I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
