a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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