I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
