its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
