Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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