So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
