Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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