i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
