you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
