Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
