Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
