His pubic hair was longer than his dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
