yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
