we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
