apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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