I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
