somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
