shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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