I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
