so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
