We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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