Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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