38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
