In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
