You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
