You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
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she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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