Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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