I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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