I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize