Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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