maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I enjoy the company of your penis
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