Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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