jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I deserve this hangover.
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