but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
