I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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