I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
