my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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