I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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