I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
