operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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