Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
