i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
