she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
