Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
