my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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