I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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