Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
