cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
