In America we eat man semen.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
