Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
