So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
